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Two Performance Artists book by Scotch Wichmann
Two Performance Artists Kidnap Their Boss And Do Things With Him
Inspired by my crazy adventures as a performer on the road, this is the story of two performance artists who cook up the ultimate performance: to kidnap their billionaire boss...and turn him into the wildest performance artist the world's ever seen.

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Cooking With Jizz

Gather the key ingredients for your next meal without having to leave your bedroom/bathroom/garage! The Natural Harvest cookbook is packed/stuffed/crammed with mouthwatering semen recipes. Author Fotie Photenhauer (if that is her real name) claims to be a nurse, so she probably knows her way around a creampie, if you know what I mean. Don’t miss her juicy interview. Forget condoms; break out the salad bowl!

postscript: i love the first comment this post got. but i dont see what the big deal is. we humans consume tons of animal products: ice cream, sausage, entrails, pig feet, brain, tongue, fish skin…looking at it that way, i would actually feel more comfortable eating my own jizz because i know where it came from, and what is/isn’t in it. your man-juice isn’t going to suddenly start containing mercury; if it is, you’ve already got way bigger problems. google it and you’ll see that spunk is harmless with 7% of your RDA potassium plus protein, with not enough of anything to kill you.  millions of swimming sperm? big deal. eat yogurt and you’re downing billions of probiotic bacteria in one sitting.  besides, lets get real: you dudes were all teenage boys at one time. and teenage boys are curious motherfuckers. who masterbate constantly. and will eat anything.  so, men—let’s not pretend like this cookbook is something that we don’t already all know about. right? hello? anyone still there?

5 Responses to “Cooking With Jizz”

  1. Reply to 2dmw Says:

    Shotz o’ scotch are good, but they may be better suited for a K rather than a T. Keep rockin’ and scotchin’!

  2. 2MDW Says:

    2MDM – that cookbook was clearly concockted for you. i’m sure any meal wouldn’t be complete without a shot of scotch, eh?

  3. 2 Million Dollar Man Says:

    I think I would feel better/more secure if a scientist – or several from Harvard, Yale and Stanford backed the Semen as a cooking dietary theory. Humans have a proclivity for eating something or its derivative if it comes from a lower species – an organism it perceives it is beneath it – basically any animal-mammal on the earth besides us. As well, if several scientists could give us a substitute form of ejaculate as a cooking lubricant that also has grade a test and has neutral side effects on our organs I could go for that to – maybe. Actually, not really. I don’t want to eat cum. It would make me feel like a fag. Sorry SFran gay’s. I’m not gay; don’t have a problem with you guys eating each others cum or my bitches eatin’ mine; but, I ain’t eating any fucking cum – even if its not human cum. OK, maybe for a million dollars. But until that day – If scientists encourage it, mainstream protestantism acquiesces it, Kraft Foods cans it, and the FDA approves it, I still ain’t eating any fucking cum from a puppy, a sperm whale, frogs, or a jaguar. Not happening. 2 million dollars, OK. I got my price, too.

    As far as blowing my load in a girl’s mouth and having her believe there is nutritional value or having her believe it may be good for her face (no honey it won’t dry your facial skin, it will make it smoother and moist – promise.) I wish the author could have slanted the bullshit theory in that direction.

  4. scotch Says:

    And if you’re all alone and going solo,

    http://blogs.sfweekly.com/foodie/2010/04/pic_of_the_day_saddest_cookboo.php

  5. scotch Says:

    And don’t forget your clam juice!

    http://www.scotchwichmann.com/2008/09/03/vagina-juice-may-hold-key-to-solving-hiv/

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