You had everyone laughing again even though the night seemed kinda dead. You brought it back with a fucking vengeance man!

I’ve been in this biz too many years and have seen excellent, good, average and the bad. You rank in excellence coming out of the gate.

Check out the agents list I gave you and I’m glad you eventually got your ass out of San Francisco purgatory. So many comics make the same imbecile mistake thinking that SF is the refined way to go. They die because everything entertainment, especially comedy, is LA. Whoever you go with for an agent, I don’t care because I’m an old comedian who is semi-retired and just want to see a great comedian make it because their are too many shitty one’s who do. I just think you’re excellent and I’ve seen you toggle the funny bone of an audience naturally that I haven’t seen in a long f***ing time.

Best of luck,
The Heckler

Now that you’re in LA, funny man, I believe the following will always get you laughs and great respect from the hollywood liberal and jewish community, because they like it when you kick it real and genuine!

Always feel free to say in your everyday communications with insiders or when you’re up on stage the following without ironic facetiousness:

nigga; nigger; nigz, spic; wet-back, heb, hebronic money talk; kike; jew bastard; sand-nigger; hoggie; homo, queer bake; chink dick; George W. Bush is God to me; Republicans rule; I can’t stand the consistent poor quality product that hollywood pimps out; jewishwood land; tom cruise rules; i heart the celebrity centre of scientology; Judd Apatow is subversively trying to brain wash anglo saxon women that it’s ok to have sex with small ugly (but funny) jewish men; adam sandler, paul rudd, and larry david, and will ferrel couldn’t make a jew or a non-jew laugh; mylie cyrus is a talented singer and actress; shindler’s list sucked and i don’t understand how it got an oscar; be proud in saying ‘i’ve never seen a john hughes film’; the breakfast club is not a classic eighties movie; steven spielberg is totally irrelevant in hollywood; tom hanks is apologetically becoming politically centrist (to appeal to the midwest audience) while trying to pretend he’s still liberal to the hollywood elite; make sure to tell as many jewish jokes as possible without any mitigation in your tone; show tremendous compassion towards muslims in your 10 minute stand-up; when you introduce yourself to your first jewish agent, producer, or casting director always tell them you’re half jewish on your mother’s side and that your father forced you to be protestant and that it wasn’t your fault that you didn’t get barmitzvahed nor picked on because you weren’t jewish; jews love it when you hedge your jewishness to non-jews but pretend to be jewish with them; wear a shirt that says I’m Pro Hamas and proud of it and shave your head and wear black combat boots while you go up and down sunset blvd screaming at the top of your lungs over and over again: ‘I want to be an an air force ranger!’; when you meet Clint Eastwood tell him that he was totally unfair in black listing Sondra Locke from hollywood film making and forcing her to have two abortions; if you had to make a decision between two people to give you a lift in hollywood choose george hamilton over warren beatty – no contest.

The above should get you on your way to becoming a huge hollywood success. Thank me later.

best,
LA Advice Guy