I’m so fucking glad you are NOT going to be working for a bank anymore. I think I’d rather get perpetually ass fucked by the devil while giving blowies to Hitler while serving time in Hell for eternity than working for a fucking Bank for five minutes.

Let’s make a gay bromantic comedy together.

- Paul Rudd

Yes, boss of Scotch at Wells Fargo, this is the real Paul Rudd giving you the proverbial finger! Enjoy, douche bag! S – I can’t believe you’ve been a big internet security architecture guy for so long instead of getting into comedy and acting sooner. I’m soooo glad you’re not going to waste your talents anymore, especially serving a scumbag bank like Wells. Hey everyone, move your money to Bank of America instead of keeping it at Wells Fargo, because Wells Fargo plays the douche bag to their employees.

Good Luck, comedian. We always need new talent out here, although it is rarely caught right away. Hollywood needs new talent, but just remember – it’s a long way to the top, cowboy.

Your website is fun and unique and I look forward to catching one of your shows at the Comedy Club when you make it to town.

All the best,
Gary Cole

Nothing like surviving and the smell of safe mediocrity that will attract talent agents and playboy bunnies.

Just fuckin’ with you. Good luck and we’ll miss you in SF, though I’ve never seen a show of yours. But something tells me that the tawdry style of billy idol hair you own augurs a type Mary Tyler Moore success which is on the way – “You’re gonna make it after all!” —If you call working for a guy named Lou…in an office…typing letters…staying there for 20 years in that same chair looking at that same monitor “making it after all.”

Just don’t turn to porn, dude. Remember, you’ve got dignity!

Like Telly used to say: “Who loves ya baby! Now, suck on my Greek-Jew-Italian looking lollipop.” Hey, gay for pay in a porn pays more for dudes than main street hetero porn – just wear a rubber dude.

Ah, you are so full of shit. LA has already turned you into a corporate bullshit entertainer already. Who do you think you are, a Frankenstein Disney puppet like Zac Ephron?

I’m your only fucking friend and I personally know that you have more friends AND FAMILY in Northern California than southern. So…don’t bullshit a bullshitter, nigs. Come clean and say: “I’m moving to Cali because it is the nucleus of the entertainment world. It would be in my self interest to do so.”

Don’t put on a bullshit scene about family and performance art and blah, blah, blah; just tell people the honest truth: “I want to go for it! And when I get a chance to trade up I’m dumping my comedy partner of a ho and I’m gonna marry a playboy bunny who wants me for my money, because I’ll be so big headed and strung out on coke by then that I want be able to tell reality from fantasy – just like everyone else in this fuckin’ city.”

See, people in LA respect honesty and truth above all else. If you say it like I tell you to say it above, you’ll be totally in – because LA hates liars!